Do I Miss You?

I'm getting really sick and tired of missing you. I think that if I could just pinpoint the reason I miss you, I could let you go. 

Was it the way you made me feel?  Because most of the time it wasn't good. 

Was it the way you helped me and made my days easier? Because I don't recall that. 

You didn't make me feel safe to express my emotions. You didn't make me feel cared for or respected. You didn't make me feel valuable. 

But you were there. When I was really low, you were there. I'm low right now and the only person I have to lean on is our thirteen year old. And I can't. Because he's a child. I need someone right now and I'm all alone. I think that's why I miss you. Because even though you were kind of a shit, you were my shit. And you were here most of the time. So I think what I have to really ask myself is: do I miss having someone around for me in my times of need, or do I miss YOU?